Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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