OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
