Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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