the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
