She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
