why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize