We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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