Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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