i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
