if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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