i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
