she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
