you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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