Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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