I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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