Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
