We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
