I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
