I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
