My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
