I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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