Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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