Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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