I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
