Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
