Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Quick, to the slutcave!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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