Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
