I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
