i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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