I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Fuck appropriateness.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize