i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
