R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
