My brain says no but my pants say off.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
