He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We need to get me chipped asap
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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