Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
