I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
