I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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