just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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