The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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