my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
