you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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