When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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