There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
