I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
