I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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