what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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