After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
