I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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