everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
