New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
