it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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