My balls are so social today.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
