did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize