your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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