weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
