Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
