Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
