It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
