he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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