Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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