they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
