I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
