all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
