I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone came in the potted fern
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
