Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the day after is always just damage control
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
