he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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