Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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