i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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