His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
